Ricky V the V.I.P. (Very Insubstantial Poster)

If you are reading this and you know me, you are probably aware that I speak quite bad English. I swear a lot, I miss letters out from words, I make words up that sound like they should be words (I still maintain that ‘swope’ should be the past participle of swipe), I mumble and, generally, just talk a bit crap.

Well imagine my suprise when multiple sources out here have told me that I talk ‘like Prince Charles’ and ‘not the English accent that a lot of people who come hear speak’. The primary question that this begs is “Who are the cretins that these guys have been meeting?”. Apart from that, though, I ruddy love it and it’s a reet good ego-boost and simply the easiest way to make friends ever!

People just love a Brit out here and, more specifically, love my link with Scotland. To mention that I am from England gets a great response, to mention I lived in London for two months set’s the eyes ablaze and four years in Edinburgh pretty much finishes them off right there and then. They just love it. The picture they have of Scotland is so beautiful everyone has either visited it and deems it “very pretty” or it is on their ‘must visit list’.

The other night I was at a uni party (held in a lecture theatre - really cool to bust some shapes in a learning environment) and met somebody in the toilets (not like that) and he started chatting to me (really, it wasn’t like that) and then he bought me a drink (No, I swear it wasn’t. At least I think…), just to chat about ‘Schottland’ and get my opinion on the differences between single and double Scottish malts. Obviously I had no idea and just used words that he couldn’t understand to answer his question (yep, I’m a dickhead), but he was just so keen to talk to a Brit.

So if you are ever feeling insecure and unloved I would recommend a trip to Dresden, where it won’t just be me loving you, the whole population will be loving you. Unless you are from Slough - that still has a bad reputation out here, which thrills me.